Maybe I can't do everything

After reading a few particularly good books I felt inspired to start writing a book of my own. I love to learn and of the firm belief that anyone can do anything if they truly put their mind to it. So I went down one heck of a rabbit-hole.

From reading every post on r/writing daily to buying distraction-free writing devices to doing daily exercises out of Ursula K. Le Guin’s “Steering The Craft” - I was in deep.

A short outline had been manifesting in my mind over the last few months and you know the phrase “everyone has a book inside them”, well I looked it up (just now, while writing this) and the first results were…

“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.”

~ Chris Hitchens

and…

“It’s probably true that everyone has a book in them, although it may not be a very good one.”

~ Wilbur Smith

Maybe I should have done some more research.

At first the words flowed, but after the first few thousand it was like pulling teeth. And worse yet, when I went to edit parts I had already written - it was some of the most boring stuff I have ever read. It turns out I write a bit like a scientific observer, dictating what physically happens in each scene. So incredibly dull.

So here I am, 30,000 odd words in, wondering where to from here. With most new hobbies, I tend to take advantage of the Dunning Kruger effect - bailing before things go downhill. But writing hasn’t seemed to to follow the same trajectory as most things, I never felt confident in anything I have produced - never reached that first peak.

Perhaps with a small break and some more practice things will improve.

Below is a chapter early on where we meet two of our main characters…

Asi left his house earlier than usual this morning. He had become a bit of a hoarder in his later years and sometimes it felt like his home crowded him. He collected all many of things that might be useful, mechanical parts, broken down droids and even panelling from old ships. In the past he was a lot more picky about the things he brought home and he would regularly pass bits and bobs on to others that could make use of them. But as the years went on, the piles grew taller. Now it was only the kitchen that free from his clutter.

He’d once taken pride in his tinkering, in the small doodads and repairs that emerged from his lab, each one a testament to his skill and ingenuity. But now, when he stood in the middle of his workshop, he couldn’t bring himself to pick up a single tool. The joy had drained away, replaced by a gnawing sense of pointlessness that he couldn’t explain.

His heart felt heavier than usual this morning, and the house—his sanctuary for so many years—felt stifling.

A walk outside would do him some good.

As he closed the door behind him, the smell of the wildflowers in the meadow outside began ease the tension he felt.

He lived on the outskirts of the city. Not in the nicest house, but not in the worst either. At least he was close to the forest though. On a rough day, a walk in through the glade was exactly what he needed to reset his mood. The smell of the lushness invigorated him, he became enraptured by the sights of the forest, the mosses, mushrooms and budding flowers. He had to see them all. And often we would bring his commtab and just spend hours identifying the wondorous life that he found.

The only downside to all this was that both his house and the forest bordered the tip. The smell was bad at times and quite often people would miss entirely and dump their trash in the forest. Some barely entering the atmosphere to do so, either trying to avoid the meagre cost of drop off, or just by being lazy.

When he noticed the rubbish overflowing into the forest, at first it saddened Asi. He made numerous complaints to the local council, but none taken seriously. So he had taken it upon himself to clean up the forest. Finding this purpose made him the happiest he had been in years.

So in addition to his water and dunebug roll, he also had trash bags and a telescoping pole (for the really gross stuff). He couldn’t fix the problem, but he could at least help contain it. And hopefully then, the next generation would be able to enjoy the same beauty he found in the forest.

With a bounce in his step he opened the gate at the end of his property and began his walk. The short journey was almost as rewarding as the forest itself. Right outside of his yard a field full of grasses, as high as Asi’s waist greeted him. This trail beyond wove through an old industrial area. Many years ago it would have been all concrete and steel, but nature had made incredible progress reclaiming this abandoned lot. He could hear the distant hum of the newer manufacturing plants operating, but it was soothing to know that even those would eventually be returned to nature once their job was done. Try as it might the concrete couldn’t contain where it failed to hold back the grasses and vines. In other areas larger trees were starting to appear. Their roots starting to lift and tear back the concrete and rebar, making room for more plants to thrive.

As he walked he enjoyed the sensation of the soft grasses passing over his legs, the cold dew cooling him down as he walked.

Asi admired the range of plants that called this concrete jungle home. Some flowers had metallic petals on which the light danced and created patterns from the reflections on the pavement. He admired how some species grew much taller than him, their flowers towering over like lookouts above the meadow. Others had long running vines that spread out across the stone floor, these ones taking up the bulk of the space where there were no cracks or crevices in the solid tarmac, their small yellow berries hanging at predictable intervals.

Asi was an Argosapien and didn’t look too dissimilar to humans, they had branched off from ancestors we might think of as amphibians many millions of years ago. Their skin looked similar to humans in tone, but was softer and always slightly damp. What was more recognisable was their flatter face and entire lack of hair. And Asi in particular now that he was in his later years, didn’t have the same youthful look they do in the tadpools (Argosapiens in their 20s and 30s use communal living). A tell for an Argo’s age is how quickly their eyelids move, they have two sets, one normal and another to moisturise their eyes. This meant they could go long periods of time without blinking, but you could see the transparent inner lids slowly wiping back and forth every now and then. The denser atmosphere and consistently high humidity here meant that Argonesia could sustain life unseen elsewhere in the universe.

The forest meant a lot to Asi, not because he grew up here (he didn’t) and not because his ancestors had ties to the land (they didn’t). But because it was the only natural beauty he had known. He had grown up in a big filthy city next to a lake that had been abused by people for centuries - not even musklets could survive there (and they thrive in some of the most toxic places imaginable). When he first saw the forest he fell in love.

As he walked he talked to himself, mulling over his plans for the day.

“Step One: Assess the situation. We walk the boundaryh and figuire out what needs doing.”

“Step Two: Do it”.

It was a simple plan, but it worked well for him.

The landscape changed dramatically when he reached the forest. The trees that were at most twice as tall as Asi, suddenly stretched into the sky as high as sky scrapers. The number of different flora exploded at the boundary of the pavement and the dirt. Plants grew on plants grew on trees. And a lush smell filled the air, the mildewy damp smell that only accompanied the floor of a rainforest. Even though it hadn’t rained in weeks, this place held on to every drop of water it received.

It was sight to behold and Asi stopped for a brief moment to take it all in.

The path ahead was faint, only used by Asi. But he didn’t need it, he new this part of the forest like the back of his hand.

As he got closer to where the forest boardered the dump it thinned slightly, letting more light in where trees had fallen. Every now and then as he walked he noticed trash that had appeared in the last day. He filled a bag as he went, the nice part about this job is that he didn’t have to take the litter home, when he was done he could simple lob it over the fence to where it was meant to be.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw something that made him pause. Asi stood frozen at the sight.

An arm stuck out of what appeared to be a rubbish bag on the side of a heap.

He gagged and placed a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back his breakfast. Still frozen, he didn’t know what to do.

“What in the name of the ancestors is this poor soul doing out here?” Asi wondered, his mind racing between concern and disbelief. He’d seen plenty of odd things in the forest, often bringing home useful bits and pieces. But this… this was something entirely different.

A rustle from the bag sparked action. Almost out of instinct Asi rushed over to scare off whatever animal was trying to get a free lunch. This person had already been through enough without being desecrated.

When he pulled back the plastic there was no such rodent. Instead a wide eyed and surprisingly clean person looked up at him.

They snatched the sheet back from Asi and pulled it down trying to hide beneath it.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you”, Asi said backing away slightly.

Slowly they lowered the plastic sheet revealing no more hair on their head than Asi and a pair of bright green eyes. As they stood up you could see that they wore a white jumpsuit, now smeared with dirt and grease.

They stumbled and Asi rushed to their side grabbing them before they fell to the ground. They lowered to the ground together, both of their breathing laboured. One in fatigue, the other in shock.

He offered them water and they gladly accepted. They both sat in silence regaining their composure. Sharing the drink bottle and filled roll that Asi had brought with him that morning.

As they made their way back to Asi’s house, the silence between them was thick, not uncomfortable but heavy with unspoken questions. Asi wanted to ask more, but he feared overwhelming them.

With some difficulty they slowly made their way. Stopping regularly for a rest and occasionally more water, it took them most of the day to get back.

Over the next few days they rested, Asi bringing them fresh water, hot stew and occasionally a baked dessert to help the mending process.

During this time and with some poking, prodding and questioning, Asi had come to learn more about their new friend. Their CT (galactic common tongue) wasn’t great, but passable. Asi suspected they had a concussion as they could say words with no problem, but stringing a sentence together was much more difficult. They also had the unfortunate problem of not being able to remember anything.

Since the moment Asi had pulled back that black rubbish bag, he had been curious of where they might have come from. Perhaps a clone? Or maybe a slave from the outer rim? Whatever it was, they needed help and that was enough for Asi.

They looked in their early twenties, their eyes full of innocence and unknowing. their face looked somewhat androgynous, although Asi didn’t have the most experience with humans, so who knew if he was right about that.

They couldn’t remember what the date was, they couldn’t remember where they were and worst of all they didn’t know their own name.

“For now I will just call you Friend, I hope that is okay.”, Asi asked.

With a small smile, they nodded. “And maybe lets stick to they/them for now too”. At least that was kind of universal, even outside of CT, they/them had become default pronouns across many languages.

They nodded again. They were thankful it was Asi who had found them, with very little in knowledge of this world, they were glad to be in his care.

Over the following days they continued to regain their strength thanks to Asi’s care. Days later Friend was able to walk around and even hold full conversations. It seems their grasp of CT was a lot better than Asi originally assessed. But still, they had no memory of anything that happened before Asi found them.